Christmas Rant 2007

(I wrote this for a journalism class in 2007, and since then Wal-mart has sold inflatable turkeys. Who knew the power of my piece? :)

I don't remember reading about the Abominable Snowman attending the birth of our Savior, worshipping next to a shepherd, but that is the scene portrayed on the lawn of a home on 200 North.

Along Highway 38 in Deweyville, you will find Mickey, Minnie, Donald, Goofy and Pluto in quick succession behind the Wise Men on course to worship the newborn Christ child. Funny how the New Testament left out that small detail. It smacks of Disney worshipping if you ask me. Others have equally offended the boundaries of commercial versus spiritual.

Maybe you don't have this beef with the season, but I find it inappropriate to blend the "reasons for the season" on the same patch of lawn. I would be appeased if those people simply used the sidewalk leading up to their door as a divider, putting the Nativity on one side, and Santa or the Grinch on the other.

The offenses don't stop there. How about the folks who turn on their Christmas lights just after Halloween? Granted, Thanksgiving decorations are a little harder to come by, merely because Wal-Mart doesn't sell inflatable lawn turkeys. We should really talk to them about that.

I just got off the phone with Wal-Mart headquarters, and in fact they do sell inflatable lawn turkeys. So if you feel the need to adorn your lawn with tacky used car lot gimmicks, $100 can buy you a fix. Actually, I made that up. They don't sell blow-up turkeys, but I'm sure some of you are halfway to your car with Visa check card in hand. I know, I know. I can be so cruel.

Instead of the air-blown turkey, a better idea would be to acquaint yourself with the farmers around here and talk them out of some dried corn stalks and leftover pumpkins. It would be like choosing crème brulée over vanilla instant pudding. When it comes to yard art, there's never room for J-E-L-L-O. A lovely fall scene after Halloween would allow enough time for the appropriate unveiling of all things Christmas.

Lest you discover my own Christmas shortcoming and think me hypocritical, I will confess to listening to SheDaisy's Christmas CD beginning in October. But unless you're riding in my car or sitting in my home, you remain unharmed by my dance with the devil. Yet no matter how hard I try to avert my eyes, the neighbors' inflated crocodile pulling Santa's sleigh in for a front row view of the Baby Jesus catches my peripheral vision.

I nearly gouged out my own eye when on yet another lawn the Polar Express passed by Bethlehem's lowly manger scene. Next year I fully expect to see the Magi kneeling before the King with their gold, frankincense, and myrrh followed closely by a polar bear with his Coca-Cola. There are better ways to honor Him, and we can start by giving the Nativity its own side of the yard.